will Episode 4 – Crackin’ Sheilaretta Australia

It’s a sunny day in the bachie house where all the guys are hugging warm cups of coffee when Osher rocks up in his double-breasted jacket-chef’s-shirt combo with the next mysterious date card. The boys debate who will be named on the card and Alex gets the nod.

Today’s clue “first date butterflies”.

We get another intro about Alex because in all honesty we’ve totally forgotten who he is. Then we watch Sam get ready, spray some perfume and fix her hair, only to look completely different when she rocks up on her date. Ppft – women.

Alex rocks up to a place with some Tiger Moth planes and they head for the skies with Sam’s dearest desire being that Alex doesn’t puke. Awww, sweet. As they start doing loops in the sky Alex screams that it all better be worth it. If only he’d said that to the shop assistant who convinced him to buy that hideous blue knitted jumper.

Back at the house the boys are playing Fooz Ball and hugging each other when they score. Dave pops up with a mysterious card which announces a group date with “Game On” as the clue. It’s a complete mystery what that could mean. On a completely unrelated note, there are about 7438 ads during the breaks showing the boys competing in a trampoline version of dodge ball. Which inspires 2 questions:

  1. Where’s the wench, ya pussies?
  2. And what could “Game On” mean?

Back to the Alex and Sam date (getting dizzy with these scene changes) where they find yet another couch in a paddock somewhere, surrounded by birds and cushions where they talk shit as I pen a note to Channel 10 about how goddamn boring these people are. Bring back Hansel!!!! Sam’s interview technique has nothing on Bachelor Sam’s technique of snogging every girl any chance he got.

They finally have a short kiss surrounded by butterflies after which Alex looks at Sam with a distinct ‘I swallowed my vomit on that plane for you, biatch” look.

Back at the house Davey asks point blank “did you get a pash?” and Alex admits they had a bit of a lingering kiss. He deflects more specific questioning from the uber jealous lads who are planning to stab him in the eye next time they walk past the kitchen to grab another delicious cup of coffee.

I’m starting to wonder when this show will be rescheduled to ABC for kids.

We return to learn that the Game On clue referred to a game of dodge ball on trampolines. As if we could have guessed that?!

They split the bachies into girls versus boys.

The red team look like Where’s Wally characters and the blue team remind me of that awesome show “It’s a knockout”. Game On!

The girls (Where’s Wally) win the first and second rounds easily. Girl power! Blue team win one round which Sasha calls a winning streak. He so smarty.

The girls head, with Sam, to a Turkish Bathhouse where they all chill out in dressing gowns drinking champers. There’s a spa full of roses which I’m sure the lads are keen to jump into together. Steady on boys, Sam wants to smear you with mud first and then let you all smother her in mud. A romantic group bonding moment…

Sam then gives Will a sponge bath. There is nothing weird about this AT ALL.

Once he reminds her that the bathing is very similar to war time, Sam ditches him and hops into the spa with Richie. The candles are a great touch in the starkly lit room. Sam interviews Richie which reveals that he too has a family.

Cocktails!

Michael steals Sam away which pisses Sasha off because Michael did asked him first. Michael gives Sam a pack of cards with random facts about him written on them. Turns out 4 is both their fav numbers. The cards include Kissing Vouchers. Smooth Michael….

Sasha gets some more one on one time with Sam where he reveals he’s drawn a picture for her. Hubby and I hope it’s “no Trueman Capote” in honour of the IT Crowd, but instead it’s a picture of the number 4, created with loads of little images within in which is actually pretty fricken awesome. Although it IS no Trueman Capote… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZl04UV7ANc

Rose Ceremony!

Alex already has a rose which leaves 9 people and makes me wonder how many roses there could be. I’m guessing 12. As I scratch my head wonderingly, Osher appears and reveals that there are only 7 roses! Two bachies will be leaving us!

Will reveals that he is crushin on Sam and I just wish he would say “yeah baby!” because his Austin Power suits is just gold, but unfortunately for him, it’s “throw me a fricken bone” because he and Keiran are out the door. Sam tries to push a tear out but is doesn’t work and the boys leave the house with warm smooshy smiles and seek out their own future bachelorette oddballs.