bachelorette-sam-samEpisode 7 – Crackin’ Sheilaretta Australia

Bahahah! The boys are working out on the lawn boxing and lifting weights. It’s cool that it’s not staged. Osher rocks up and Richie has the honour of reading the first date card. And it’s Sasha. His second single date. I hope this one is a little less hideously outrageously little bit boring than the last one was.

The group date includes all 5 remaining bachies, including Sasha. On this group date the boys have to make dinner for Sam. Maybe double layered toasties?

Richie leaps in to offer making canapes because they are the easiest…. Way to impress Richie. Smoothie and Alex are up for the mains and take this opportunity to talk to each other about their feelings. It’s as if the cameras aren’t even there. Romantical.

Dave is in charge of entrees and Sash dessert. The boys prep the dining table and I have a nap.

Oh my god, Richie references the last supper. Coz this is soooo the same.

Sam finally rocks up in an Asian inspired dominatrix dress and killer heels. I wonder if anyone will tell her she looks amazing. You know, mix it up a bit.

Canapes are served up and received surprisingly well. I want to try one. Then comes Daves garlic prawns which includes extra garlic for Sasha before his 1:1 date. Hehehe

Two seconds later mains are served and it’s the fish of lurrrrve. They discuss how men these days are often good cooks and I wonder what the fuck they are talking about.

They play a fun facts game where Sam pulls a piece of paper from a bowl and reads them out. She then has to guess who the fact belongs to. Sam notices that Dave is pulling away from the group situation again. Bapow. Turns out Dave didn’t realise the other boys would put in facts that Sam would resonate with. He is a wee bit jealous. I’m a wee bit lots bored. Move on Dave.

Date time. Sam put a lot of effort into today’s date. I imagine her googling Buicks for hire and sorting through the various options available. They drive the Buick to the next date point where they are painting a big mural together to be donated to the Stroke Foundation for fundraising. Sam would have spent a bomb on that canvas once she found it. Sasha is totally in his element and they are having fun, so between takes, the producer asks Sasha to ask Sam why the Stroke Foundation is important to her. Her Step Dad died from a stroke so of course it’s important to her and it’s obviously really hard for her to talk about. Sasha lost his grandmother to a stroke to, fyi.

As beautiful as her story is, the mural is a nightmare and ironically may cause a stroke. Sasha paints a moustache on Sam which for some reason makes her more attractive to him and they have a gross tongue-fest pash. 😉

The 5 new coloured slushie flavours at Hungry Jacks, the eye drops which need to be thrown out after 30 days and the promos for Mean Girls are actually more exciting than this show.

Sam and Sasha chat on a couch eating strawberries and chocolate fondue. They talk about their feelings in ways normal dating people would never do – pleading their case for the next date. Case closed. Samantha gives Sasha a rose and goes in for another pash-fest. Judge, I object!

Cocktail party time. Alex proves his Financial Planning skills by revealing that one of the remaining bachelors will probably be going home. Sasha comes home and talks about his date with his rose pinned to the middle of his paint-covered shirt. Michael tries not to break down and sob.

Sam arrives and as always, Richie says she looks amazing. She steals Michael away. Dave has a bitch to the boys about the “sad facts” which were meant to be “fun facts”.

“It’s just not faiiiirr”

Sam reveals that she is nervous about the family dates because of her own family welcoming that old hack bachelor from last year who then broke up with her weeks after the show finished.

Rose Ceremony Time. Someone get Osher a suit that fits! And iron it, dammit!

Michael is selected first. Because he is smooooth.

Sam pauses for about 100 years before she announces the next rose recipient, Richie.

So it’s down to Alex and Dave. And with a tear in her eye Sam selects Alex to go through. Dave’s heart falls to the floor with a thud and we are down to four.